11/19/2017 0 Comments Interrogation by Ozo the DemonOzo: Welcome to Mental Torture Chamber of Stink Demons United. My name is Ozo, and I shall be your interrogator. I shall ask you a series of questions, and if you fail to give the answers I want to hear, you shall be made surer to undergo the cruelest torture that you have ever dreaded. Ha, ha, ha. Idiot Christian 1: Oh great...I'm going to be made to endure another workplace safety training... Idiot Christian 2: ...i swear, if I have to watch one more Christian film... Idiot Christian 3: No! No! Please, no! Anything but that! Ozo: We shall start with a question about the church. You have 90 seconds to answer.
How did the first church in Jerusalem in the book of Acts celebrate their new-found communist belief? Idiot Christian 2: Well, they started sharing a lot food and stuff... Idiot Christian 1: So we were communists all along, and no one told me? How did they keep this secret for centuries? Idiot Christian 3: Because we weren't. Two pictures in the life of the early church: Barnabas, and Ananias and Sapphira. Barnabas sold some of his property and gave it to meet the growing needs of the church, and he got recognition before the church for his generosity, hence the name given to him, Barnabas. That means two things: first of all, he still retained ownership of his property, because he was the one who had the control over whether to sell or not sell, and he did not sell all his property. Secondly, whatever giving was going on, it was voluntary. If it were mandatory, he would not have been given the recognition for it. It would be like this: Hey, brother, check me out. I gave all my money to help the poor in our church. Idiot Christian 2: Well, so did we! What do you want, a cookie? Idiot Christian 3: But what is more telling is what Peter told the nice, upstanding couple when they wanted some of that same recognition from the church...but remember, they were smarter than Barnabas? So they advertised that they gave all their property away for the good of the church, when they didn't. So Peter says, "Hey, we are not communists. You didn't have to treat us as if we are the owners of your property. And You didn't have to give all your money to us. But your vain desire for fame and lying in the church will turn you into corpses, and you will serve as a warning to all of us and unbelievers that no one should join a church who is not serious about following Christ." Idiot Christian 1: Wow, did Peter actually know about Marx? Idiot Christian 3: Well, I might have embellished a little bit, but the gist of that is what he said. Ozo: Does an ethnic church have usefulness in a multicultural setting? Idiot Christian 3: I thought churches are useful, no matter what. Idiot Christian 1: Healthy churches, anyway. Idiot Christian 2: Our purpose is to magnify Christ to our maximum potential. In order to magnify Christ to our potential, we must set up a gospel-preaching church. We have two options to set up a church: an ethnic one, or a multicultural one. The first option works very well in an ethnic setting: If you are preaching the gospel to people in Korea, it makes sense to have a Korean church. If you are preaching to people in Uganda, then it makes to have an Ugandan church. Change of setting: An ethnic church in a multicultural setting. An unbeliever walks into this church, and says, "They get along very nicely with one another. They have language in common, they have their culture, their custom, and their ethnicity in common. Must be working out for them. Good for them," and walks away. Christ is hidden. And every opportunity to proclaim the gospel to anyone in their community who are outside of their little ethnicity is lost. The second option is multicultural church. In an ethnic setting, a multicultural church is just not possible. Where are you going to find Koreans in Egypt? Where are you going to find Caribbeans in Russia? They are just not there. Change of setting: A multicultural church in a multicultural setting. An unbeliever walks in, and scratches their head, and says, "They don't have language, custom, or ethnicity in common. These two guys, Croatian and Serbian, should be at each other's throats. But they are hugging each other. These two guys, Japanese and Korean, should be at each other's throats. But they are singing with one another, listening quietly to the same old guy ranting on from a book. They have nothing in common, as far as I can see. What do they have in common?" And they can ask any one of us, and we will say, "I am not here for you! I am here for Christ, and He is the only reason why I am tolerating and bearing with all your annoying little customs of your culture and all your annoying little habits." Christ is seen, who would otherwise be hidden in an ethnic setting, and every opportunity to proclaim the gospel to every sinner in their community is afforded to them, because they have not alienated the people of their community by setting up a wall and banner that reads, "For us, no more, shut the door." Ozo: Since church leaders are infallible, and unable to sin... Idiot Christian 3: Wait... Idiot Christian 1: "If," you mean, not "since." Idiot Christian 2: Yea, I like pastors, and deacons, but you are going way into the left field. Ozo: I mean what I say, and if you interrupt me again, you shall listen to me recite backwards the entire genealogies found in 1Chronicles chapter 1 through chapter 9 six hundred and sixty six times! Idiot Christian 3: ... Idiot Christian 2: ... Idiot Christian 1: ...We don't have time for that. Ozo: Again, since church leaders are infallible, and perfectly sinless, what is the use of having plurality of elders? Why not have just one who can rule over the house of your Lord? Idiot Christian 2: ...Wow...where to start? Idiot Christian 3: Any Christian in leadership function is still no different from any other Christian in essence. They are still sinners saved by grace transformed into slaves of God serving the Lord with gratitude with all of their human fallenness and weaknesses. But purely by the sheer virtue of the role of being shepherd over the church of the living God, they are required to have stricter qualifications. In other words, though all of us are saved sinners, leaders must be mature and disciplined, so as to minimize the risk of bringing upon the Lord bad reputation among the unbelievers, and to lead the church to greater Christ-likeness. That's one thing different about leaders from all the others of us: the role and the qualifications for that role. The second thing is that purely by the sheer virtue of their leadership function, they are, more than any others, vulnerable to greater sinning, and hence have the greater potential to do damage to the reputation of God. And that is why we must keep them in our prayers at all times, and encourage and protect their ministries, keep them accountable. Idiot Christian 1: Wouldn't you say, sister, that with greater privilege comes greater responsibility, with greater responsibility comes greater capacity to do harm? It makes sense why the unforgivable sin is unforgivable, and explains in part why the Lord saw Israel's idolatry and unfaithful witnessing for the true God infinitely more heinous than the pagans'. And quite funny enough, the Lord's like, "Ok, you don't want to show how superior I am to all the pagan gods? I'll show them how superior I am by showing them the power of my judgment." Idiot Christian 3: Yes, and there is a sense in which no unbeliever can sin like a Christian. No unbeliever can wound the heart of God like a Christian can. And with the role of leadership of the church, as being the most dangerous occupation in the world, comes the severest weight of guilt for incompetence. Idiot Christian 2: So you are saying Christians are worse sinners than non-Christians, and pastors are the worst of us? I mean, we don't murder babies, and commit indecency like they do. Idiot Christian 3: We are the best of people, and at the same time we are the worst of people, both by the virtue of our privilege. Just as we can show the greatest kindness to someone by giving them the very source of eternal life, the very answer to life's most essential question, the gospel message, or we can be the worst haters by shirking our gospel responsibility. And I think the Lord knows that, and that is why in order to secure His reputation, and to help us, the Lord designed the leadership of the church to be run by a plurality of men. Because we can be as wicked as wicked can be if left to ourselves, the Lord mandated the fear of accountability be placed in leadership. Men need that fear to deter their naturally arrogant and abusive heart. Idiot Christian 2: I don't know if I agree with all that. I think the plurality of elders is for the purpose of sharing the workload of the church? I haven't yet been to a one-pastor church, but surely a small-sized church can do well with one elder/pastor? Idiot Christian 3: I have, and I've seen a perfectly decent, kind-hearted man who has served in overseas missions turn ugly in that system. I've seen his evil thoughts about others, his self-righteousness manifest themselves like foam overflowing the boiling pan filled with pasta flour. And he didn't even disagree against the idea of plurality of elders; he just couldn't find any qualified man to become elders. And the guys who were previously in charge of the church thought that as long as they didn't embezzle from the church, commit an open act of adultery, or dictate the minutia of the lives of his congregation, they were above reproach. Then they proceeded on to enjoy their hobby of being a stumbling block to the flock. They would alienate, demean, heap defamatory judgments, in the most creative way as pastors/deacons could imagine. I've seen one poor believer, who should've been nurtured, be accused of all manner of foul things, and wanted dead and gone by the leaders. They hated accountability, and weren't willing to deal honestly with themselves. Bottom line: They were not interested in respecting the Designer of the church's leadership structure, and they were certainly not interested in shepherding the flock of God. I thought maybe the Pharisees were reincarnated. Idiot Christian 2: Why so high rate of turnovers? Idiot Christian 3: Some of them ended up shipwrecking by sexual immorality. Some of them could not get along with other leaders. There was no love in the church. And it is quite easy to know someone's character, when they are given free reign to speak their mind, and given the power to abuse. Maybe they couldn't bear the thought of being found out. Idiot Christian 1: Also, Ozo, it is "our" Lord, not "your" Lord, as if Jesus is limited in His sovereignty. This is why He strapped us to this prison through you, so we could exercise and grow our discernment. What meant for evil, were meant for good. Idiot Christian 3: I feel almost apologetic for speaking about these guys. It's the worst, talking about them. I must hasten to say, lest I become guilty of defaming the faithful men, that there are many faithful churches out there, and hence humble and mature elders/deacons who lead the flock to greater Christ-likeness with exemplary lives. Idiot Christian 2: Who, in their selfless devotion, protect the flock of God from soul-corrupting error, feed the flock of God with the unadulterated meanings of God's Word, and genuinely seek the beauty of Christ to be shone in the world through the church by helping strengthen the testimonies of each sheep. The true lovers of the church. Yes, let's not forget to mention them. Ozo: How do you make sure you are not inconvenienced again by someone who has offended you? Idiot Christian 2: You trust God to execute vengeance on those who hurt His people, and you do your part by being compassionate and even pitying them, realizing that their slavery to sin is due to not being given enough opportunities to be made helpful to others, or that they have forfeited opportunities to be helpful to others due to their slavery. You seek their absolute best, and meet their needs. It is especially true for those whom God has given you to care for on a long term. Idiot Christian 3: And realize you are no better than anyone else. Since God is merciful to ungrateful and evil, and since your duty is to imitate God, you must be compassionate and seek the best of others and meet their needs. Also, since Christ forgave all your sins, you can try to do the same by forgiving someone who's against you, realizing that you are the worst of all sinners. God will deal out His vengeance in the end. Ozo: I want a quick answer. State the first thing that comes to mind when you hear, "Enemy." Idiot Christian 1: Life is a lot simpler and richer when you love. Idiot Christian 2: Better to be wronged, and receive grace from God, than to wrong, and have God make you miserable. Idiot Christian 3: Joel Osteen. Ozo: How can a Christian make use of his/her money in a way that is perfectly pleasing to God? Surely, you Christians believe in helping out the poor and giving yourself sacrificially? How can you wear a nice, warm jacket in winter, and own a car, while the homeless guy does not even have enough money to eat? Idiot Christian 1: Money...hahaha... Idiot Christian 2: ...hahaha... Idiot Christian 3: ...money the fleeing serpent. Idiot Christian 2: Well, the sin in money comes when I start worshipping it. I see it as the source of my good, and because it is the source of my well-being, I naturally will have perpetual anxiety and fear over possibly losing it the next day. But if I see it as part of my stewardship, which it is, and see God as my good, and make use of money for the purpose of magnifying Christ and the gospel propagation, then I would be content living with little or lot of money, because I have nothing to lose anyway. Idiot Christian 1: Where your heart is, there your treasure will be. Idiot Christian 2: Yea, and we purpose with the use of not only my money, but my relationships, gifts, my own body, and all the stuff God has given me as my stewardship, for the eternal magnifying of Christ. Idiot Christian 1: Such as, making Bibles, going fishing with a neighbour to share the gospel with him, etc. Really, I think you are free to do whatever you want, because the Lord who placed that goal in your head will direct your muscles too. Idiot Christian 3: So it's not a sin to wear a warm coat in the winter. God would be displeased however if we did not help the homeless survive the cold. That's why we set up soup kitchens, and shelters, and donate to help the less fortunate. I say we give the homeless fur coats. Idiot Christian 2: Yea, I don't like PETA either. Ozo: What spiritual and mental defect does an unmarried Christian who wants to stay single have, that he/she would violate God's Word, "It is not good for a man to be alone"? Idiot Christian 1: Nothing. Perhaps, he is better off than most. Idiot Christian 2: Yea, it is better to be alone and lonely, than to be coupled and lonely. Idiot Christian 3: Perhaps he has a better knowledge grasp of and greater selfless focus in his personal purpose in the scheme of the Great Commission, and he has been able to capture the great sense of his personal mission and tasks, and he finds sufficient joy in serving Christ in his community. Idiot Christian 1: And in Genesis, God had a very specific intention when He said those words, but that statement has a wider application to anyone with the gift of singleness, who wants to be left alone, still requiring a community in which he/she can socialize... Idiot Christian 2: Nothing wrong with man-man, or woman-woman friendship. Like David and Jonathan. Idiot Christian 1: ...Sexual attraction and pleasure is a totally different issue. Ozo: Let's say your employer says your online posts making fun of Islam, Mormonism, Pentecostal Movement, abortion, and world religions in general are offensive, and have prejudicial connotations which negatively reflect on your character. How would you assert and defend your Christian rights to be a solid rock of truth and confront error? Idiot Christian 2: We'll role-play here. Sister, be my boss. Idiot Christian 3: Your post on abortion tells to the general public that you will act prejudiciously against certain women. It is very concerning to us, and does not reflect well on our company. Idiot Christian 2: That's the only post that was concerning? What about the other ones? Idiot Christian 3: Wha...what other ones? Idiot Christian 2: Well, I have public posts on abortion, Islam, Mormonism, Pentecos... Idiot Christian 3: Well, your public Internet activities are offensive and negatively reflects on the company. I suggest you do something about that. Idiot Christian 2: Hey boss, no problem! Check my web page tomorrow, and they'll be there no more. Ozo: ...But you would be a coward, and compromise your Christian convictions about truth and shirk your duty to confront errors of the world? Idiot Christian 2: If I truly loved the people I work with, then I would not assert my rights and make an issue out of me. Idiot Christian 3: It's very easy to have a martyr mentality, and see every personal criticism as criticism against the faith. Idiot Christian 1: There is a lot of wisdom and love that must be present, in order to not act unbecomingly. I would say that model of gentle, and respectful behaviour does a lot more to make the gospel attractive, than trying to defend your right to violate the general public's moral sentiment. It would be one thing if you capitulated under the pressure of the fear of earthly loss, that you would rather choose this life at the expense of denying Christ. But if it is about some defect in your demeanor that presents negative connotations, and presents your associates in a misrepresenting light, then it is not an attack against the Christian witness, but a fault in your deportment. And we are told to adorn the doctrine of God our Saviour, and to do what is right in the sight of all men. Bottom line: You are not worth defending, but Christ and His truth is. Wisdom is knowing when it is a wrinkle of the human customs, and when it is an animosity against Christ. Ozo: Satan says, "Live and learn." But God says, "Learn and live." True or false? Idiot Christian 1: But that's a cliche, so...kind of true. Idiot Christian 2: The art of living could not be mastered unless you have the Word of God having been fleshed out. The first step is to read and understand the Word, the canon of historical books meant to be read in their original contexts, according to their genres. But a given passage could not make implications in your life, unless the Lord hurls you into a million scenarios. Then your understanding of that passage is shaped and maybe even made clearer by your experiences in life. So I always thought the only way the Word of God can be sealed to your mind, and become flesh and blood is through experience of life. Experience is the seal that glues knowledge and its implications together. Ozo: Alright! That is it! All of you have completely and utterly failed to give me the right answers! You have done nothing but vex me every time you wagged your tongue, so much so that if I could, I would have bitten off your tongues and gutted out your entrails and made ropes out of them to hang you with! Idiot Christian 1: So we won the spiritual battle for truth, which is why you are resorting to physical violence...wait, will my intestines be able to hold my weight up? I mean, I am not a small guy... Idiot Christian 2: Bless you, brother. A fat saint who can't even die a martyr's death in a glorious way because of obesity. Idiot Christian 1: I'm not obese! I just weigh more than most people, just as you are more underweight that most people. Idiot Christian 2: The glass is half full. Idiot Christian 3: Don't be afraid, brothers. Our stewardship, consisting of all of relationships and body and gifts and stuff and our very life, remains for as the Lord chooses. We are not at the mercy of the wicked. And the Lord will have His way with what is His own, even through our sins and sins of others. Ozo: Enough!! I shall make you suffer in pain your greatest dread, and your greatest fear! A torture of the soul, worse than death itself! Idiot Christian 1: Oh great... Idiot Christian 2: I swear...if... Idiot Christian 3: No!!!!!! Ozo: I'm playing all of the Hillsong and Bethel music available. Idiot Christian 1,2,3: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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CategoriesAll Discourse Doctrines Gospel Humour NT Commentaries OT Commentaries Tactical Life Date
August 2023
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